its nothing personal

Its been a really long time since I've written anything here and I am aware that its like a private and personal space now.

Life itself is truly a beauty and for that, I am motivated to make beauty a reality. We all go through different phrases in life and I'm sure its the unpleasant journeys that make us stronger and wiser.

I have grown a lot since the last entry and I've learnt to see things in a new light. I thank my special one for creating some of my best memories and giving me motivation and strength. I would also like to thank the people who were once part of my life and I haven't forgotten the joy and laughter we've once shared.

I have always and will continue to believe that I am truly blessed despite all the terrible faults I have within me. I don't know what I have done to receive a love so pure and genuine.

Recently, I have been carving out my future plans, step by step and hopefully, I'll get a position in either risk management or investment banking. We'll see where the future takes me and no matter how many setbacks I face, I'll find a way out.

I'll end my short update here and I don't know when I'll be back. My main reason for writing this is because I felt that I needed a proper semi-closure to this abandoned space of mine.

Yours Sincerely,
Serene

P.S I think I sound very serious and formal here but hey! I promise I'm still child-like. Ice-cream anyone?

I got my head checked at 5:05 AM .

Speeding is my latest hobby.

Speeding with my windows wind down at 120km/hr and blasting my music.

That's what I call life.

I'm so willing to risk my life because there is nothing much worth living for.

I got my head checked at 5:40 AM .

I had a dream.

I dreamt I cried bitterly.

And dreams are often a reflection of reality.

I get it.

I got my head checked at 10:19 PM .

In about a couple of hours time, I’ll be leaving for school.

I’m having mixed reactions recently, a confused mind and a very grouchy behaviour. I wouldn’t want to put all the blame on the coming examinations. Pardon me for the sarcastic language used on you. I didn’t mean it. Really.

Sometimes I don’t really know what I’m thinking. Words can hit me really hard at times and it just did. I look back and really wonder what the fuck I was thinking and how my life ended up this screwed up. Yes I did get what I wanted initially but only to realise happiness isn’t what I’ve gotten. Only satisfaction. Self-satisfaction.

I ended up chasing away the people whom I care about, love me and would do anything for me. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed any of you with my pathetic, self-obsessive behavior. For the first time ever, I actually look down on myself. I pity myself for being this pathetic.

YOU. You’re leaving me too right?

If I were to fall on my knees now and begged you not to, would you? If I screamed at the top of my voice that I love you, would you turn back and give me a second look? Or would you just shake your head in disappointment and walk away?

I really deserve what I’ve gotten. I’m sorry for being a failure in life. There are no second chances in life.

I apologise.

I’ve decided to go into partial-seclusion now, which means limiting my time on the internet. Reach me on my mobile only. Until I feel I have a motive to be back, I’m going to leave this space alone. I’m not hiding from anyone, I just want to spend more time sorting out my thoughts.

-eneres

Until I’ve found myself, my name will be spelt like that .

I got my head checked at 7:01 AM .